Ervolino

Rain, rain

I understand it's supposed to warm up on Tuesday. FINALLY.

The last few days on Long Island have been like winter -- raining and ridiculously cold. Fortunately, this isn't one of those apartments where the landlord turns off the heat on a certain day in May.

Or April. Or...

I haven't potted my basil and parsley plants yet. There was one night when I even took them inside, because it was about 40 degrees outside. It hasn't been quite that cold since, but it doesn't feel very spring-like to me.

I'm reading -- on my online weather report -- upper 60s for Tuesday and low 70s for Wednesday.

Get all your planting done?

I have a bunch of outside stuff that needs to get done back in NJ. Not sure when I'll get to that. Maybe October.

This bicoastal-ism takes a lot out of you.

A FIND!

It really doesn't take all that much to make me happy. I went to the junk store today looking for a dining room table. There were some nice oak ones, but they all had some broken part, somewhere. The one that was in really good condition was $165, but it looked as though it weighed about 950 pounds.

I did find a beautiful hutch though. It was filthy but beautiful. Two shelves, glass doors, solid as a rock, with a locking mechanism inside. (You know how those old cabinets only open on one side, unless you release the lock.)

GORGEOUS.

"How much?" I asked.

I think he said $45. After looking at five different tables, I said, "What do you want for the hutch? $40?"

He said, "Sure."

I gave him two twenties. I was so happy. I mean, happy, happy, happy. I probably would have paid $150 for this thing. Maybe more. It makes the whole living room look great. It also made my day.

Like I said, it doesn't take much to put a smile on my face.

I wish there were more stores like this around here. I know a bunch of them in NJ, but buying furniture there and then dragging it back here isn't worth the aggravation.

The table hunt continues. Ideally, I would like a table that's worth about $5000 for $19.99.

I've discovered the secret to...

Gaining weight.

Don't have any food in the house.

At my house, I always have a full fridge and a full pantry. And, generally speaking, I'm a big fan of healthy food.

At the apartment, all I have in my fridge is dog food, bottled water and two sticks of butter. I've been painting and shopping for furniture and junk so I've been eating dinner with my parents. So far, so good. she cooks healthy, too.

But then, at night, I start getting weird cravings and wind up at Dairy Barn at 10 o'clock buying doughnuts and pecan coffee rings.

This should change in a week or so, once I get some pots, pans, and cutlery on the premises.

In the meantime, I don't think the dog likes having her dry food kept in the fridge. I brought new bags here with me and after I opened them, I realized I didn't have any containers to put them in. She doesn't like to eat in the morning now. She also knows that we will go upstairs at some point and, when I'm not looking, my father will feed her something. (Toast, etc.)

Jasper has also discovered the secret to gaining weight. Grandparents.

My father got what he deserved on Sunday, when we were at my brother's house. There were several dogs present. I told my father DO NOT FEED THE DOGS! He didn't listen. For the rest of the day, the dogs followed him all over the place.

He kept screaming LEAVE ME ALONE.

They didn't.

I've tried for years to break him of this habit. Nothing seems to work. How do you get OTHER people to NOT feed your pets?

The 'white voter' business

Hillary Clinton has been criticized -- here and elsewhere -- for pointing out that Barack Obama's support among white voters is shrinking again.

Should we have a problem with that?

Oh, I don't know. There are, unfortunately, people in this country who will never elect a black man (or woman) president of the United States. I'm guessing most of us think this is ridiculous, but if we rummaged through our personal phonebooks, I'm sure we could come up with at least one friend or relative who -- for whatever reasons -- feels this way.

But, despite the inference of this in Sen. Clinton's statements, I don't think that's the point. The whites who aren't supporting Obama aren't necessarily unenthusiastic because of his race. At least that's not what the poll data is showing.

Some relatives this weekend said that if Clinton isn't the Democratic nominee, then they are probably going to vote for McCain. I don't think this is because of Obama's race. I think they just don't like him. Yet.

All of this could change. But, while we're waiting, pollsters are asking endless questions about race and gender and whatever else is shaping people's decisions.

I suppose Hillary could not mention voters as being black or white, but the whole business of campaigns is structured around this data. Even if we were talking about two white candidates, we'd still be discussing how they're faring in different communities.

I can understand some people being sensitive to this, but is there any way to ignore it? if Hillary didn't discuss it with the media, the media would discuss it without her.

Meanwhile, what about the big Veep question? I can't imagine Obama asking Clinton to be his vice-president under any circumstances but I've been wrong once or twice before.

Will he? Won't he? Should he?

Happy Monday

It's after midnight and I have paint on my fingers. Green. Not very attractive.

Mother's Day at my brother's house was nice, but a little too crowded. So many in-laws!! Our families are close, so that wasn't the problem. It's just that sometimes it's a little overwhelming to have so many people around.

I got up to leave around 6. And you know how that works: One person says they're leaving and then, all of a sudden, EVERYONE stands up to go.

That struck me as kind of funny. (If everyone else is leaving, maybe I should stay...)

I drove my parents back to the house. We were all worn out, but I didn't feel like taking a nap, so I took out the paint and did the walls in the kitchen that I wanted in green.

It's a dark green, kind of like the peel of a lime. And, it looks pretty good. I'm going to be using an off-white for most of the kitchen, but the green makes the space look a little more interesting.

Not sure what I am going to do on Monday, I hear it's going to be raining cats and dogs. I have to write on Tuesday, so I'd like to maybe run to a couple of furniture stores. Otherwise, I may paint my bedroom.

I'm still not used to not having food in the house. I just ate about 10 Pepperidge Farm cookies, with a bottle of spring water. That's about it for groceries. I still don't have any cooking utensils here. I'm not even sure I have dishes here yet.

Obviously this all takes time when you're just zipping back and forth on weekends.

I also want to get my exercise machine here. Not sure when (or how) I can do that without renting a truck. But if I'm going to eat my mother's cooking upstairs and cookies-between-meals downstairs, I am going to need some exercise. Well, you know, other than painting...

Please tell me what you did this weekend.

I want to hear some stories that don't involve paint.

Yo, Mama

Well, it's after 1 a.m., so I guess it's officially Mother's Day. We're supposed to go to my brother's house for dinner. Joyce is also having her mother and sister there, and one of her brothers.

I didn't want to get my mother anything this year, and she didn't want anything. (Although I did buy a lot of wine for dinner.)

When I told her she wasn't getting a Mother's Day present she said, "You'd better not change your mind!"

This move has proven very expensive for me, but that's not really the reason. The whole flowers and whatever thing seems kind of pointless to me this year, and I know she feels the same way.

In the last couple of weeks we've felt closer than we have in a while. I'm really happy to be here, and I know the feeling is mutual.

I also know that she hates dumb gifts just as much as I do.

Next weekend though, I will probably give her a dumb gift. They're kind of fun when they're a surprise -- aren't they?

I hope you all have a great Mother's Day, whatever you do.

And if you have a favorite story to share -- about your Mom, or about motherhood in general -- please let me know. I've written so much about mine in the last 30 years (including a story in today's paper) that I'm taking the day off.

Brush with brown-ness

I took about eight cans of paint from my house to the apartment this afternoon. My goal was to see how many colors I had to mix until I came up with the kind of muddy color I wanted.

Traffic was sucky. Took me over two hours to get out here. And I know this was an omen. This weekend is the beginning of summer as far as traffic goes. People with weekend houses on the island always seem to head out on Mothers Day weekend to open the places, and spend a few weeks tuning everything up in time for Memorial Day.

I mixed all of my colors together but they were too light when I was done with them, so I went back to the paint store and found a color called Meadowlark.

Doesn't that sound like it should be pale blue or something?

Anyway, I LOVE this color. I painted my main room (living and dining rooms) in Meadowlark. Everyone who saw it seemed to agree that it was perfect. One of my cousins described it as the color of a paper bag. (I was thinking cardboard box, but same ballpark.)

It looks great with the brick fireplace and the dark brown sofa and the cream-colored carpeting.

Meanwhile, I mixed a nice green -- kind of avocado-ish -- that I'm using in the kitchen with an off-white color.

I assumed no one would like it, but they seemed to get where I was going with it.

"Ooh! What color is that?"

"I have no idea," said, pointing to a bunch of cans. "A little of that, a little of that, and a little of that."

Since my bedroom only has one window, I'm going with an off-white color in there. Not sure when I'll get around to it, though. I kind of ache all over.

Place is really shaping up. And I may run back to a junk store on Sunday morning. Saw a mahogany dining table there, but the owner wasn't in, so I have to go back. From what I could see, though -- the tabletops were leaning on each other against a wall, sans legs -- it looked really nice.

I can't wait to see what it costs...

Boy + dog

I haven't ran any of the BILL & JASPER photos for a while. The photographer, Dave Adornato asked that the next I did run it, I mention his website DAVEADORNATO.COM

Done!

Check out Dave's terrific pics!!!

About last night....

I drove to Newton for the wake of a co-worker's mother. A sad reason to get into the car, sadder still when I saw all that traffic on Route 80.

I left the Record office in Hackensack at 4 p.m. and didn't get into Newton until 6:15. (Going home, mercifully, took about an hour.)

I later heard there were all sorts of accidents on 80, due (I guess) to the weather. It's been horrible here, raining all day long.

But it's always strange when you don't SEE what's causing a traffic jam and I drove through three of them last night.

I kept expecting to see lights up ahead, police cars, tow trucks, but there were none to be found. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, cars would start moving again.

Another thing that drives me nuts is when you are driving a long distance, and you're really into your oldies station and then you lose the signal because you are too far away!

It's like being robbed.

And it only intensifies the feeling that you've been on the road for six months.

I kept waiting to see a sign that said WELCOME TO EUROPE.

(I guess I mean radio-free Europe. Who remembers that expression?)

Trashed part 2

As long as we're on this subject (see "Almost Famous," below), here's another story I'll never forget.

The Post sent me to Madison Square Garden to review Eddie Murphy. He didn't want to be reviewed. And that was fine with me, because it was my room-mate's birthday, and he was one of those people who took birthday parties seriously.

But the Post insisted, and a ticket was reserved for me. When I showed up the night of the show, I went to the gate and was told, "Eddie doesn't want to let you in."

"I have a ticket!" I insisted.

"Sorry. You don't."

So, what's a comedy reviewer to do? I went back onto the street and bought another ticket, from a scalper.

It was a crappy seat. I was in the boondocks somewhere, sitting next to a young married couple. We chit-chatted -- they were very friendly and in the mood for a fun show.

Eddie eventually came out onstage, did some sort of opening and said, "I know that guy from the Post got in here. And if you don't like show, you can [blank] my [blank]."

Uh, no thanks.

The entire Garden laughed and applauded, including the people sitting next to me, which then struck me as funny since they didn't know -- until I took out my notepad -- that I was the "guy" in question.

I think I gave the show a pretty good review. Murphy was never a favorite of mine onstage, although I've liked a lot of his other stuff. (And he think he got robbed for "Dreamgirls." The first thing I told people after attending a screening of that movie was, "Murphy is getting an Oscar nomination.")

When I was doing this in the 80s, I had the ability to really help out new comics. Murphy, meanwhile, was so big, nothing I could have said or done would have made any difference to his career, but I was given the assignment and certainly didn't mind getting the $125 for doing it.

Although I was never crazy about being heckled while I did it.

Almost famous

The memory plays tricks. Every time I see the comedian (and "Rescue Me" star) Denis Leary, I find myself wondering, "Is he that Irish comedian I gave a horrible review to a million years ago, when I was comedy critic at the New York Post?"

The other night I was reading the new issue of New York magazine and there was a piece about the old Baggot Inn, a hangout for comedians. Eddie Brill, who now books comedians for the Letterman show, was recalling one of the worst nights of his life:

"July 27, 1984 -- I'll never forget the date -- I started a comedy night. I would import in all these great acts to do hour-long sets -- acts like Dennis Miller, Bobcat Goldthwait, Susie Essman and Jake Johanssen. A guy from Post came to review us, and Dejnis Leary goes onstage, not knowing the guy is reviewing and proceeds to trash him. Then the spotlight breaks and falls, so it is shining right on the reviewer, and Leary just keeps trashing the guy."

I sent an email to Eddie on Friday and he replied a short time later. (Ain't the Internet grand?) I hadn't seen him in ages. I told him I had only vague memories of that night. But perhaps that was because, as he wrote, "the light came down on you."

I guess that explains the memory loss and, possibly the lack of hair.

Over the years, I came to like Leary a lot. Funny guy and I have a deep appreciation for what he does for firefighters.

Banana boat

I had agreed to do a gig at Bananas on August 16, but that date has been cancelled for technical reasons, so I am mulling over a couple of dates in May, June, August and September.

I will let you know as soon as we hammer it out.

About LOST night

I'm just heading to bed at 3 a.m. This was one of those Lost nights -- great episode, but difficult to write about.

I have to go to a wake on Friday afternoon, and I'm heading out to Long Island on Saturday, but I will try to post ASAP.

In the meantime, I know you guys don't need little ol' me for conversation, so pick a few topics to get things started...

Paint chips

I spent some time earlier this week taking a paint roller to my new apartment. I suppose that makes you think I was actually painting, but I was really playing around with some samples I picked up at the paint store.

I love this idea. They give you little sample sizes of your color choices and then you can play with them and see if you like them or not.

My ideal would be to paint my bedroom a light color, my kitchen dark green and white and my living room dark brown.

I realize that dark colors make spaces appear bigger and light colors make spaces appear airier. I've been painting apartments since 1976, I assumed I was an expert by now.

The dark green color I created looked very nice in the kitchen. But I don't want my big living room/dining room/office space to be dark green. I'd like dark brown, but it has to have gold in it.

Actually, what I REALLY want in that room is the old paneling which was down there, which was good stuff, and really suited the space perfectly.

The paneling was covered a few years a go with a "cool" (as in not-warm) light gray with lots of blue in it.

This is not a color that suited the room and it looks even worse now that the navy blue carpeting has been been replaced by a cream colored Berber.

I kept mixing my different samples together this week and painting various sections of the walls, but everything was too light for me.

I now think I'd like something like a charcoal gray with brown in it.

This may take several years.

I wish there was some way to strip the paint off and get the paneling back but untold layers of primer were used to cover all that beautiful wood.

That's always the hardest thing when you're putting a room together. When you really want something you can't have, it takes a long time to find something you like better.

Almost midnight...

and I'm dying for shrimp. Just before heading upstairs, I was surfing and saw Alton Brown ("Good Eats") making shrimp cocktails. He tossed the shrimp (unpeeled) in a mix of olive oil and Old Bay seasoning, and then cooked them for one per side in the broiler before tossing them into the freezer.

He then served them in a martini glass. He said this was THE ONLY WAY to make shrimp cocktail. Actually, I love when chefs say that. I once saw Martha Stewart saying THE ONLY WAY to cook bacon was in the oven on a rack, over a tray, with some sort of parchment paper or...

Oh, I don't know.

I do like perfect bacon, but it would cost me $200 to buy all of this stuff.

Incidentally, weird challenge on "Top Chef" last night. I thought it was interesting to do an entire wedding, but not without sleep.

If I had to cook for 14 hours straight and then serve the food without a nap, I would have run through those tents with a meat cleaver.

Seriously, if I lived with someone who kept me up all night I would kill them and bury them in the backyard.

I don't need much sleep. I only get about 5 hours a night. But, without sleep, I do kill, maim and broil people in olive oil and Old Bay seasoning.

It is Old Bay, isn't it? I'm pretty sure I have some in my kitchen, although I don't know if I've ever used it.

In other competition news, it appears as if Jason was finally voted off Idol last night. I had to fast-forward through "Reeling in the Years" even though I like that song. Who thinks up these revolting production numbers?

These poor kids look like they're in some really awful junior high school musical.

This leaves David Cook, Baby Elmo (David Archuleta), and Syesha Mercado.

My co-workers seem to think that Baby Elmo is a shoo-in, perhaps because he looks like my illegitimate child.

Whatever.

My favorite moment in Jason's farewell tape was the shock he expressed when he found out that "Memory" -- the big number from "Cats" -- was sung in the show by a cat.

For some reason I found myself thinking of the Manhattan Transfer song, "That Cat Is High."

Is Jason high?

After last week's bizarre on-air goof, Paula actually seemed sober this week. This is not to imply that she isn't sober usually, but whatever is wrong with her sometimes registers onscreen as profound inebriation.

Is there anyone you see regularly on TV who seems stoned all the time?

The monster in Austria

We often throw around the word "evil" without any sense of relativity. Some people are blinded by causes or mental illness. Others do terrible things to others because terrible things were done to them.

Does that make their criminal activities any more defendable? Usually not. But at least it helps those of us who want to, in some way, understand why people do the awful, anti-social things they do.

Which brings us, sadly, to the case of Josef Fritzl, the Austrian man who (among other ungodly acts) kept his daughter a sexual prisoner for 24 years.

This story has been sickening us for a week now. And listening to it, over and over again, is like listening to accounts of Nazi atrocities.

There is nothing about what this man has done that isn't evil. And I think that something deep inside all of us aches knowing that anyone could commit such an abhorrent series of physical and emotional abuses on anyone, let alone their own daughter.

It's beyond anything I could imagine. So is calling the man an "animal."

What animal would do something like this?

Primaries

As I write this, Hillary Clinton is still holding onto a narrow lead in Indiana, but few news outlets were calling the race in her favor, even though over 90 percent of the votes had been tallied. (By the time you read this, Barack Obama may have been proclaimed the winner.)

I didn't catch Obama's speech after he won (decisively) in North Carolina. But I thought Clinton's speech was rather tired and tentative.

Both speeches made overtures at reconciliation, and whatever deal is eventually brokered between the senators, it will likely lead to an emotional, history-making hug at the convention this August.

I still can't see Clinton agreeing to sign on as Obama's veep. (The reverse of that always seemed more do-able to me, although that scenario has become increasingly unlikely.)

But, I think that whenever one of them concedes this race to the other, it will be one of the grand political moments of our lifetimes. And the older you are, the more significant it will be to see the standing ovation given to the first woman and the first African-American to come SO CLOSE to becoming president of the United States.

Mind you, that doesn't mean that either of them will win in November. But, once they've joined forces -- and they will, whether they share a ticket or not -- their weary supporters will likely stand up and cheer, and perhaps shed a tear or two.

It's significant what they have accomplished during the last year. But it may be just as significant that a new generation of Americans -- one that didn't live through the 50s and 60s -- doesn't even see it as unusual.

Jardiniere

I ran my father to the store on Monday afternoon to pick up some basil plants. I got my own basil, parsley and rosemary.

No big garden plans this year, although I guess we should all start a rice paddy. (Rice rationing? Is this possible?)

What are you growing this year? Big plans? Small plans?

No plans?

I used to grow EVERYTHING, but my schedule is going to be so erratic this summer, I don't think it would be fair to the tomatoes.

Idol Tuesday

I guess little Elmo Archuleta Ervolino stole the show last night, although that wasn't too difficult. David Cook did a good job as usual, although he didn't knock me out. Syesha did a dreadful "Proud Mary," but redeemed herself with "A Change Is Gonna Come."

But the person I've really come to appreciate this season, is the one who seems to make the weirdest song choices. I love Jason Castro's voice. I think down deep -- under all that hair -- he is an artist, and I don't think there are many real artists out there who could survive on this show.

Castro is pleasantly weird, way too undisciplined for a competition like this, and seems -- almost defiantly -- to do everything he is not supposed to, week in and week out.

I really don't know much about him, but if he writes songs and they're any good, I think he could release a decent album. That doesn't explain how he's survived this long, but leaving this week could be a good thing for him.

Back home (sort of)

OK, so I drove back out to Long Island on Monday afternoon. Went searching for a dining room table, but didn't like anything I saw. I even went to the Salvation Army, which is right across the street from my brother's auto body shop thinking I might find something I could refinish. Ugh.

I think the dealers hit places like the Salvation Army first thing in the morning and grab anything worth grabbing. The table I am using for a desk, which I found at Pier One last weekend is really pretty nice and would make a good dining room table, but this one was the last one they had in stock.

I took my father to Lowe's earlier in the day to pick up some plants. We both got basil plants. I also got rosemary and parsley. But, a few minutes ago, I went out on the patio and brought them into the house. It's like 40 degrees out there. So now I have an herb garden in my bathroom. Hopefully it will get warmer tomorrow.

We couldn't get the TVs to work last week so the Cablevision guy came here on Saturday (while I was in New Jersey) and FIXED everything.

Last weekend, all I could get was Channel 2. Today, all I could get was Channel 3, which was like some "Mama's Family" marathon. I sat there for half an hour with the instruction manual, but all I managed to do was lose Channel 3, so now all I can get is a black screen, although I can adjust the volume!!!

So, I guess they will come back tomorrow to get my TV to work. At the moment, it is still on the kitchen counter. It weighs about 9,000 pounds. (Seriously.) I have a TV cart here and am hoping and praying my brother can get some guys over here to lift it, put it on the @#$%-ing cart and get it out of the kitchen.

Even if I could pick up a channel tonight, I would have to drag a chair into the kitchen to watch it or sit on the stove.

What AMAZES me though is that the computer is working fine. After all my computer problems last year with Cablevision, I was sick thinking about what was going to happen with my connection. So far, though, the computer is the only thing that has been working without a problem.

Oh, well, enough whining.

If I get up early enough tomorrow, I will hunt down some paint stores and perhaps look at a few more tables. I think I am going to take off for an entire week later this month and just spend six or seven days here finishing this place.

As much as I like the apartment it is a bit frustrating to know I still need so many things. It's not like moving, where you know it's in a box, somewhere. I get up to get a toothpick and there aren't any.

I have the heat on now. I should have gotten some logs for the fireplace. At least I could have looked at THEM in lieu of the TV. I'm sure nothing was on anyway, but I kind of miss the background noise.

Famers

From the Gothamist, yesterday:

Today, the new New Jersey Hall of Fame will induct fifteen men and women--living and deceased--in a ceremony today. They are, in alphabetical order, Buzz Aldrin, Clara Barton, Yogi Berra, Bill Bradley, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Malcolm Forbes, Robert Wood Johnson II, Vince Lombardi, Toni Morrison, Norman Schwarzkopf, Frank Sinatra, Bruce Springsteen, Meryl Streep and Harriet Tubman.

The inductees, who were selected from a pool of 25 finalists, must have lived in the state for at least five years (but an exception was made for Underground Railroad pioneer Tubman, who used Cape May as her base), filling five categories--historical, enterprise, arts & entertainment, sports, and general. And while there's no museum yet, fund-raising is underway.

Read more in today's Record, HERE.

Bee update

One of the stories that captured the attention of this blog last year -- I devoted a lot of space to it during the spring and summer of 2007 -- was the dying-off of America's honey bees.

A just-released study by researchers at the University of Virginia now suggests that air pollution could be a big part of the problem. Ozone and other pollutants can destroy the scent-bearing molecules of flowers. And the researchers note that while a flower's scent travelled between 3,280 feet and 4,000 feet in the 1800s, the scent now travels from 650-1000 feet in areas such as Los Angeles and Houston.

In the furor last year over what was happening, a quote began making the rounds, attributed to Albert Einstein. Essentially: "If the bees disappeared mankind would have about four years left."

So many people used this quote, but subsequent Googling has turned up no evidence that Einstein actually said it, or that it is even true, since many other insects (and some animals) take part in the pollination process.

Still, it's something to be concerned about. In a great documentary I saw in the early 1990s, workers in Hawaii were pollinating some exotic flowers with thin paint brushes -- BY HAND -- because the particular bird that used to the do the pollinating had become extinct.

It's hard for us to grasp sometimes how interdependent so many species are on this wacky planet of ours.

What we so often refer to as "nature" is a series of interlocking systems of life. When some of the pieces start disappearing, the entire structure is threatened.

Nice to know we can survive without honeybees. (Maybe.) But that doesn't mean we shouldn't take this problem seriously.

Get out of jail free

From today's Washington Post:

New Jersey is one state making changes out of a desire for more efficiency. Gov. Jon S. Corzine (D) is proposing legislation to expand drug courts to channel more nonviolent, first-time drug offenders into treatment instead of prisons, and also to expand supervised parole. Another proposal would change the parole policy so parolees were not automatically returned to prison for minor drug offenses, said Lilo Stainton, the governor's spokeswoman.

She said that in New Jersey's case, the changes are not budget-driven. "We think this is a more humane and sensible way to treat people," she said.

This is from an interesting STORY about how, around the country, many governors are considering early release dates for non-violent criminals (some with limited or no parole).

The reason is purely budgetary. Every prisoner you release early saves the state tons of money. In California alone, the early release of some 22,000 prisoners (convicted of non-violent, non-sexual offenses) would save the state an estimated $1.1 billion over two years.

I guess this kind of makes sense. A lot of these younger, non-violent offenders are probably better off outside of prison. The last thing they need is being around other "criminals" day in and day out.

Of course, getting out early doesn't necessarily mean that they will pursue the straight-and-narrow. And the first time one of them commits a violent crime after being released, the entire program will be called into question.

It seems that in the new few years, we're going to be faced with plenty of these which-is-worse proposals. Our state and federal governments are running on huge deficits, no one wants to raise taxes, and the middle class (caught in the crunch of ever-increasing food and gas prices, not to mention spiraling health care costs) can't afford to pay more anyway.

My thoughts: Grim (and violent) times ahead, thanks to tax policies that have created a tremendous inequity of wealth in this country. I don't begrudge anyone the opportunity to get (and stay) rich. But when you have one part of the population that can use $100 bills to light their Cohiba cigars and another part of the population that would KILL for a $100 bill....

Well, I could be wrong, but that really doesn't sound like a very good situation.

Get out of jail free

From today's Washington Post:

New Jersey is one state making changes out of a desire for more efficiency. Gov. Jon S. Corzine (D) is proposing legislation to expand drug courts to channel more nonviolent, first-time drug offenders into treatment instead of prisons, and also to expand supervised parole. Another proposal would change the parole policy so parolees were not automatically returned to prison for minor drug offenses, said Lilo Stainton, the governor's spokeswoman.

She said that in New Jersey's case, the changes are not budget-driven. "We think this is a more humane and sensible way to treat people," she said.

This is from an interesting STORY about how, around the country, many governors are considering early release dates for non-violent criminals (some with limited or no parole).

The reason is purely budgetary. Every prisoner you release early saves the state tons of money. In California alone, the early release of some 22,000 prisoners (convicted of non-violent, non-sexual offenses) would save the state an estimated $1.1 billion over two years.

I guess this kind of makes sense. A lot of these younger, non-violent offenders are probably better off outside of prison. The last thing they need is being around other "criminals" day in and day out.

Of course, getting out early doesn't necessarily mean that they will pursue the straight-and-narrow. And the first time one of them commits a violent crime after being released, the entire program will be called into question.

It seems that in the new few years, we're going to be faced with plenty of these which-is-worse proposals. Our state and federal governments are running on huge deficits, no one wants to raise taxes, and the middle class (caught in the crunch of ever-increasing food and gas prices, not to mention spiraling health care costs) can't afford to pay more anyway.

My thoughts: Grim (and violent) times ahead, thanks to tax policies that have created a tremendous inequity of wealth in this country. I don't begrudge anyone the opportunity to get (and stay) rich. But when you have one part of the population that can use $100 bills to light their Cohiba cigars and another part of the population that would KILL for a $100 bill....

Well, I could be wrong, but that really doesn't sound like a very good situation.

About last night....

Well, I am happy to say that our farewell bash for Record photo director Rich Gigli went off nicely at the Crow's Nest in Hackensack on Sunday.

No one is allowed to say that Rich is "retiring" -- because that is not a word that happens to be in his vocabulary. And, as hard as our little committee worked to make this party happen, Rich worked just as hard -- making up framed photographs of his which he gave to all of the attendees as a special party favor.

In our business, it is also a tradition to create a mock front page for the former employee whether he or she is moving on to another job, retiring, or in Rich's case, off on some new adventure.

Our faux front contained both humorous and serious stories about Rich, and along with everything else about the day (there were many speeches, roast-type segments, and gifts of great sentimental value), Rich was genuinely touched by all of it. He said that "after the birth of my kids..." well, you get the idea. It was a very special day for him.

I came up with a bunch of joke gifts for Rich, but didn't really give a speech because time was tight. Had I said a few words, though, I guess I would have pointed out that I have been in this business for 32 years now, and have fond memories of being the enthusiastic kid at various newspapers and magazines, running around all over the place to get my byline on the front page, inside the paper, anywhere and everywhere I could.

Through these many years, I've always tried to have some kind of relationship with the folks who were a little older, a lot wiser, and who -- by virtue of their very special personalities -- embodied to me the romance that I've had with my chosen profession.

Rich was always one of those people. And I'm happy to say I've known a few others during this professional journey of mine. They help you, inspire you, give you constructive criticism and they are an integral part of the sort of business that most of us are in FOR LIFE.

In the context of a "roast" they are also great fun. The bigger the personality, the more opportunities you (as a speaker) have to make (good-natured) jokes about.

I'm one of the many people who owe Rich a lot and I hope he will always be part of my life. And I'm so glad that, after much nagging, he finally allowed us to have this party. When someone devotes so much of their time, energy and passion to a career, those around him want to toast him. So we did, and we had a grand time doing it.

Anniversary approacheth

Despite my mangled archive, which only goes back to August, this blog will be a year old this month. I was trying to remember the exact date, but couldn't. Then, it occurred to me that I promoted it on my other site, "Completely Lost." In fact, I remember starting ERVOLINO while "Lost" was still on the air last season because I wanted the bloggers on that site to check out the new one.

This is what I posted on the Lost blog on May 24:

...................
I hope we can all continue posting here for the next week or so, until we're all exhausted. Creating this blog and keeping it going has been a great experience for me, and one I hope to continue when the new season begins. In the meantime, I launch a new blog today called ERVOLINO at www.northjersey.com/ervolino This is a whole 'nother animal, one that riffs off of my twice weekly humor column in The Record. It will cover a variety of subjects from the family stuff I write about to current events, pop culture, etc. I know it will evolve over the next few weeks, but I hope that, at some point, you'll stop by and give it a shot. Either way, THANKS for supporting COMPLETELY LOST and for your terrific input. You've made this a whole lotta fun. --BILL
...................

So, how shall we celebrate this momentous anniversary?

Under D

Yes I am feeling Under D Weather today, which -- for your out-of-towners -- is cool (in the 50s) and damp. Yucch.

I wouldn't mind except that I have to be in Alpine today, as guest auctioneer for Derby Day which is being held outside (under tents) at some private estate.

Tents or no tents, this means we will be outside, and I feel all bronchial already.

Still, this is a big fundraiser for the Bergen Volunteers, so I am going to do whatever is necessary to make sure we have a grrrrr-eat time.

Actually, if I'm not mistaken, this was one of the first things I wrote about last year when I started this blog.

Is ERVOLINO a year old?

For some reason, my archive only goes back to August, but I seem to remember that we started in May.

Anyone remember???

Tom on O

I caught about half an hour of the Tom Cruise thing on Oprah, during that late-night rerun. She interviewed him at his retreat in Telluride -- ON A COUCH! -- and I can't seem to make up my mind which one of them is creepier.

Cruise, who does not have a movie opening, was obviously trying to fix the career he tossed down the toilet bowl by being, well, Tom Cruise.

The marriage, the baby, the rants about his Scientology and medication for post-partum depression. And then the book by Andrew Morton (an unauthorized biography) which I read in two days and was rather horrified by. Add them all up and they spell d-e-r-a-n-g-e-d.

Anyone else who tuned in to the Oprah interview and who had also read the book, had to be wondering if Cruise could somehow undo this mess. But, from what I saw, the answer is no.

Frankly, I don't care about his personal life. If an actor makes a movie and it's a good movie, then I want to see it.

But, it's one thing to have the media INTRUDE on your personal life and another for you to use your personal life to sell your movies. In the last 2-3 years Cruise has done this, putting all of this personal nonsense (real or imagined) out before the public and then having to deal with the sad fact that people didn't believe any of it.

The only thing worse than Cruise trying to explain his way out of the PR nightmare he has created for himself, was watching Oprah play along with the whole thing.

After reading the Morton book I came away with the feeling that this guy is unpleasant, paranoid and dangerous. (If you've seen his bizarre interviews with Matt Lauer, et al, you probably have suspected this anyway.)

Whatever he is or isn't, though, is his problem. I don't care. But, as I've said before, he is one celebrity who wants to have it both ways. He wants to throw his personal life all over the place, and then becomes incensed when people talk about it in ways that he has no control over.

For those who care, he is doing another hour with O, in her studio, next week.

About last night...

Tired. Do I look tired?

Tired, tired.

Long week.

Anyway, we had ANOTHER going-away party last night for my co-worker Jim Wright who covers environmental issues and also has the blog Birds Bats & Beyond. Jim is going to work for the Meadowlands Commission, writing a book for them and also creating blogs and other web content.

This was great fun, and the guest of honor brought "door prizes" which he handed out, all with a funny spin. Naturally, I didn't win one! Although I did have two nice big Black Angus burgers with onion rings. (We were at Poors in Hackensack.)

Bet you can't eat just one.

Rushed home after that for LOST night, although I also watched Grey's Anatomy which was good. Glad to see what's her name again. I miss her.

Today, going back to the office for a few hours. Tomorrow, I am guest auctioneer at Derby Day -- a Kentucky Derby themed event that will raise money for the Bergen County Volunteers. On Sunday I am co-hosting the farewell party for Rich Gigli, our longtime photo director.

Then...I don't know. May go out to my apartment on Long Island on Monday and stay until Tuesday. Maybe.
Not sure yet.

Tired. Tired...

If I MAY...

Today is May 1 -- which I guess means that time flies. I don't remember much about April -- although, in fairness, it was a busy month for me.

Last night I woke up, for an entire hour, after dreaming that I was moving into an incredible three-story apartment. I just kept wandering around it, thinking, "This is such an amazing place!"

I then woke up -- it was about 4 a.m. -- and started thinking about my other "real" apartment, and the furniture I still needed to fill it.

Last night: I didn't see Idol, so I have no idea who was eliminated. I hope it was Paula. Her bizarre mistake on Tuesday night seemed to make it onto every show on television yesterday.

I watched Hillary on "The O'Reilly Factor." This is the first time I was able to watch that show for more than 30 seconds without changing the channel.

People who know him tell me that O'Reilly is actually a nice guy. Whatever. I can't stand looking at him or listening to him.

Later, there was a Michelle Obama interview on CNN. I think she also did one with Meredith Viera on Today. Interestingly, her husband looks the same as he did a year ago. I get the feeling that whatever they are going through as this campaign continues chugging along -- Rev. Wright, especially -- seems to be registering on her face, rather than Barack's.

The woman appears to be IN PAIN.

Top Chef rounded up a few kiddies last night with that bear-ish guy who is Oprah's personal chef. (Has he ever cooked for the Obamas?)

I personally can't stand the look, smell or taste of curry, so it didn't surprise me that Mark had so many problems last night. We'll miss the New Zealand accent, but I'm not sure I could take another week of watching him wander around in a daze.

Did he look as if he was always HIGH or what?

Maybe we can hook him up with Paula.

The grandma goes to court thing

Going around, probably for the millionth time, but cute:

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ' Mrs. Jones , do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams . I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ' Mrs. Jones , do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

Rev. Wright

For Team Clinton and Team McCain, the Rev. Wright mess has turned into the gift that keeps on giving.

And while most of us don't think that candidates -- or anyone else, for that matter -- should be held responsible for what their friends say/do/think, the cozy nature of the relationship between Wright and Obama and the fiery tone of those sermons has turned off a lot of people.

Now, it seems as if Wright is saying things that are doing even more harm to the candidate. I can't but help but think that this is either because he feels Obama has let him down (by, in effect, becoming part of what Wright sees as the problem in this country), or because some damage-control instructions to Wright (from the Obama campaign) somehow infuriated the Rev. even more.

I happen to like when people criticize the U.S. government, because it reminds me how free we are, and, occasionally, when those criticisms are justified, it can open people's eyes to issues and other matters that they may not be paying attention to.

But this is something else again.

At the moment, Obama is being tested, and he doesn't seem to be handling it very well. He's called the Wright matter a "distraction," and is holding a rally tonight at Indiana University to get his campaign back on course.

He's smart, poised and resourceful -- and generally very persuasive at making arguments that resonate with a large part of the American public. Will he be able to do it again?

Interestingly, although Clinton now appears to be ahead of Obama in national polls, she is trailing behind him in New Jersey -- where she won the primary. Details HERE.

Paula: Brain damage?

I missed the first 10 minutes or so of "Idol" last night. Nothing knocked me out, except for that bizarre Paula moment, when the abdul-icious judge began describing Jason Castro's second performance, about 10 minutes before he performed it.

The format change, which seemed designed to squeeze in two numbers from each finalist, had me confused, so I'm assuming Paula was as uncomfortable with it as the rest of us.

Still, it didn't do much to quell rumors that her brain and spinal cord haven't been in touch for a few years.

Veal stew night part 2

Jasper is wandering around the yard. So far, she doesn't seem to be very happy here. I think she is just confused by the change of scenery. Even though we visited here a lot, she doesn't seem to like the apartment.

I think part of this has to do with the smell. Hopefully, by the time we come back, the carpeting will have done whatever carpeting does.

I haven't lived for so long with wall-to-wall carpeting and I know it can be yucchy because of all the petroleum products, etc. but there was a carpet over the old (very nice and original) linoleum, and because of that whole mess, it just made sense to put another carpet on top of it.

I will say, it looks terrific. In fact, my parents saw it and now want to re-do their part of the house with the same carpeting.

Berbers are kind of retro now, I guess, but they sure look good when you first install them.

I brought a few of Jasper's toys with us, but she doesn't seem to be very comfortable here. (Yet.) She would much rather be upstairs with my parents than with me.

Since I am so goodlooking, entertaining and charming, I'm afraid she must have bumped her head and gone crazy.

One good piece of news, I am writing on my NEW DESK. I really didn't want a desk, since the computer is in the dining room area. I really wanted something as thin as possible. At home my computer is sitting on a bookcase and I have a console table in front of it. This was exactly what I wanted to do here. But I had an awful time finding the right table.

I eventually made it over to Pier 1 today. There were many console tables. But for one reason or another, none of them was the right one. So I asked one of the sales people if there were any others.

That is the kind of store you really have SEARCH through because so much stuff is piled up on so much more stuff

She pointed out a great table that I hadn't even noticed. A drop leaf! Perfect!!!! In fact, when I saw it, I wasn't sure if I wanted it for a desk or a dining room table.

"People do use this one as a dining room table," the saleswoman told me.

BUT, the whole thing had to be assembled.

I groaned. No. I've been assembling things all weekend. I'm not assembling anything else. I am too pooped to assemble.

"Can't I have this one?" I pleaded.

"Not if I others in the back," she said.

I contemplated this for half an hour. Should I? Shouldn't I? I even contemplated buying two and using one as my dining table.

I finally decided to buy the one, as a desk, and (grrr) put the @#$% thing together myself. I told this to a different saleswoman who said, "I'm sorry, this is the only one we have left."

IT IS?

"Yes," she said. "Would you mind taking the floor model?"

Five minutes later, it was in my SUV heading back to the apartment. I put the computer on it and THE END. Nothing to assemble.

I then finished my Sunday column, tried to spend some quality time with the dog, and will be going upstairs shortly to eat and then head back to NJ.

As much as I miss my house I am getting a little addicted to all the space out here.

Tuesday is veal stew night

I'm heading home after dinner. My mother is VERY upset because she bought the veal at the grocery store instead of at the butcher and she's afraid it's going to be tough.

You would think the president was coming over for dinner. (Well, not THIS president, but one of the good ones.)

I got up today at 5:45 a.m., because I went to bed so early last night. I worked on my Sunday column and then went out and did some more shopping.

I went to another BB&Beyond, this one closer to the house. Everything I picked up seemed to be $9.99.

Wooden spoons, $9.99. A colander, $9.99. Canisters, $9.99.

I also bought some gliders because a gigantic black armoire was left in the bedroom by the previous tenants. It was one of those highly lacquered things -- which I don't particularly care for -- but I thought it would be fine to shove into the closet.

My brother and I couldn't do it the other day, though. So I bought these little plastic discs. The package said "MOVES 2500 POUNDS."

Sadly, it doesn't move this 2500 pounds all by itself. You have to nudge it along.

I shoved them under the armoire and TRIED pushing. I later realized I had the wrong end facing down.

Once I put them under the armoire correctly, it actually worked out pretty well.

I wish I hadn't tasted the stew. Now, I'm starving and it won't be ready for another 45 minutes.

Better! Better! Better!

korean baby singing hey jude

Long Island Monday

Oy, what a day.

I got up at 7 a.m. but wasn't sure if my parents were up or not. (I didn't have a coffeemaker this morning.) They are usually up at 6 or 6:30 and I heard some moving around up there but I wasn't sure.

I guess it would be nice if we could call each other, but all of the phone lines have been screwed up since they were connected on Saturday.

I don't even have a phone yet, but I had my cell. I called their number a few times but the phone didn't ring upstairs. So, I bundled up -- it was cold and POURING here this morning -- and ran around to the front of the house.

By the time got there, I was soaked -- and the dog was, too. I rang the bell and rang the bell and rang the bell, and my mother finally answered.

She made coffee and I called the cable co. to straighten out the phone thing. This took a good long time to straighten out, although I'm not sure it's really straightened out yet.

And for some reason, my cell phone is not working right, either. Sounds like terrorists!!!

After that was done with, I went out to: Target, Michael's, Bed Bath and Beyond, the Apple store and Home Depot.

What did I buy? Everything.

Trash pails, pillows, shower curtain rings, drapes, fans, throw pillows, lamps, lampshades, candles, a mirror, more pillows, small rugs, more small rugs...

I am closing in on a color scheme here, although I don't really want to paint the walls until I have most of my furniture here.

This is a BIG apartment and I still have a million things to get. I suppose it would have been a great night for a fire, but I dont have any logs. And, besides, the TV is still on the kitchen counter. I'm going to need about five people to move it into the living room.

It is the biggest monstrosity I have seen. At the moment it only gets channel 2 -- I guess this is what happens when you get Cablevision's GOLD package I will tinker with it later and see if I can figure out how to do anything.

Last night, I sat there with the directions in front of me, and that was a complete waste of time.

Also, this was Jake's TV and (being deaf) he activated the subtitles. It would be nice if I could deactivate them but so far I have had no luck at all.

The people who design all of these things are the stupidest a-holes on earth. "Hold down this button and this button simultaneously for 3 three seconds..."

People who think this stuff up should burn in hell.

Of course, the most important item on my list today was my new computer keyboard and mouse. What a relief. I was going nuts last night.

Anyway, I guess I will put up my shower curtain tonight and watch channel 2.

UPPER AND LOWER

A NICE FIRST WEEKEND AND THNGs have gone relatively smoothly except that the keybboard on my old computer has gone haywire. i will be getting a new one asap on mon morning. the caps seem to lock and unlock at will. i a totally pizzed but i will survive. i think.

i was so worried that the INTERnEt cONNEctIOn wOuLdnT WORK ANd NOw the keyboard has Me wrIting hip_hop.

marvelous. pray.

Saturday...

OK, I'm home, but running out again. I went to Long Island last night (the carpeting and lino look great). The phone, computer and tv were connected today. I then drove back to NJ (90 minutes, ugh) because I'm performing at the New Milford Knights of Columbus tonight (a benefit for St. Joseph's Church).

When I left LI, everything seemed to be in working order, but I've called my parents seven times and there's no answer, so I'm concerned that the phones dropped dead. (Hey, this Cablevision...again...but this time I didn't have any choice in the matter.)

I'm planning on heading back tomorrow morning and perhaps finding some furniture so I can write a bit more comfortably out there. (Right now the computer is on low side table, not exactly perfect for working on.)

Of course, if the computer is also not working when I get there...well, listen for a short bald man screaming, sometime around noon.

How's your weekend, so far?

You may notice fewer posts from me in the next week or so until I get settled. Right now, hectic, hectic, hectic....

About last night...

Well, "Lost" resumed, which is why, at 2 a.m. I am so wild-eyed and caffeinated. This has been a long week for me and it's not over yet.

On Friday afternoon, a computer guy is coming over to move all of the programs on my new computer over to my old computer so I can bring it with me to Long Island.

I am having my cable, telephone and computer line installed on Saturday, but then I have to rush back here because I am performing in New Milford on Saturday night.

Then, assuming all goes well, I will head back out to Long Island and continue to set up my new place. (I wont be able to go out next weekend because of other commitments.)

So far this week, my bed, sofa and living room chair arrived and the new carpeting and linoleum were installed. I'm anxious to see how everything looks and to then get a better idea of what I will take from the house to the apartment and what I need to buy.

I am excited about all of this and looking forward to settling into a schedule.

And, on top of everything else, I got to see a great episode of Lost last night.

Life is crazy-good at the moment.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Lefties

Yes, as Linda pointed out (after seeing the pics of me at BCC) I am left-handed. Why? Got a problem with that?

I've heard all sorts of interesting theories about left-handedness. In addition to southpaws, we're called sinistrals. The word comes from the Latin word for left-handed, "sinister."

Like we don't have enough problems!!!

Are any of you folks lefties?

I have to say that it made learning most sports difficult, because I was always taught to bat, throw a ball, etc. with my right hand -- and it was extremely frustrating.

By the time I was in junior high, and a gym teacher realized what the problem was, it was already too late. Trying to re-learn everything as a lefty was equally frustrating.

I did play basketball during my freshman year in high school, and that was probably my favorite sport, although a game of it now would probably give me a stroke.

I have no idea how lefties are taught nowadays. Kids in the generation before me were discouraged from using their left hands. When I was learning "penmanship," my teachers gave me a little extra time, but I didn't really like feeling singled out in that way.

In college art classes, I saw a lot of lefties. Some people say we tend to be more creative, although I have no idea if that's true.

We're quite sinister, though!

Not much fun-damentals

Carly Smithson, who some believed to be the best vocalist on this season's "Idol" (although I must have missed those weeks), got the boot last night. But the fact that she was standing alongside Syesha Mercado -- who turned in the week's top performance -- underlines what is so fundamentally ridiculous about the way this show picks its winners.

Would Syesha have fared better had her number been at the end of the hour on Tuesday instead of at the beginning? I do think that can affect how people vote, although I've never voted for anyone -- not even Sanjaya -- so what do I know?

Meanwhile, over on CBS, Sheila was voted out of the house on "Big Brother" leaving Ryan and Adam as the Final Two. I mention this because, Sheila, a single mom, burst into tears upon learning of her eviction. As regular viewers know, she really needed the money.

I realize people go on these shows for all sorts of reasons. The younger ones find a certain amount of "stardom" appearing every week on a hit show. The older ones -- like Sheila -- are often in need. I can't even imagine the idea of being locked in a house with 15 strangers for three months. But, when you make it to the end, and lose your shot at the $500,000 first prize and the $50,000 second prize, that has to hurt.

Although this "Big Brother" season started poorly -- a winter edition of the summer show was tossed together hastily because of the writer's strike -- I eventually found myself liking the contestants as the cast was whittled down. In any event, I feel badly for Sheila -- and anyone else who puts themselves through something like this because they simply can't pay their bills.

And, finally we have "Top Chef," where Jennifer (partner of the recently-departed Zoi) was axed for putting too much cheese in her asparagus dish. Not to mention too much bread.

As for the other team -- angry Antonia and future serial killer Lisa -- they had my sympathies. After all, there is only so much one can do with Polish sausage. (Although if they were going to substitute chorizo, they might have covered their tracks with some other Polish ingredient like pierogi.)

Clearly, though, Top Chef is fundamentally about how serious chefs respond to often off-the-wall challenges. Unlike "Idol" and some of the other reality competitions, we're told that all of these people are accomplished chefs and know what they're doing -- under ordinary circumstances. How they deal with the curveballs, as Richard and Dale were forced to with their "green perplexed tofu," makes all the difference between "you're the winner" and "pack up your knives and leave."

Years ago, I was a contestant on the then-TV Food Network hit "Ready Set Cook." My opponent, a former co-worker, chose kielbasa as her main ingredient. (Mine was monkfish, which I'd never prepared before.)

Her chef was SO not thrilled with her selection, he grumbled for the entire half hour. Hard not blame him. Kielbasa -- a perfectly fine dish when prepared in the traditional way -- does not lend itself to culinary adventure.

In addition to "Ready Set Cook," I was also a contestant on "Wheel of Fortune" and wound up in an endless one on one segment in the original "Crossing Over with John Edward."

If you could choose a game show, reality show or similar program to appear on, which would you pick?

Oh, and if you have any great kielbasa/Polish sausage recipes, please pass them on.

(Incidentally, does Whole Foods even sell kielbasa?)

Hot for teacher

His Holiness lecturing on Monday afternoon at Bergen Community College. On the blackboard (which was white), I outlined the future of journalism.

Your head goes here

I spent a good hour moving my new bed around my new (apartment) bedroom.

I don't know if its feng shui, or what, but I was told years ago, that you should always place your bed in such a way that, when you're sleeping, your head is pointing north.

[Insert pointy head joke.]

When I moved into my house, my head was pointed east. This wasn't so bad, but I eventually reconfigured the room so I am now in the north position.

At the apartment on Long Island, I tried north, south, east and west. For various reasons, east worked out the best.

Which direction is YOUR head pointing?

And do you think it matters?

The Katie conundrum

In the wake of recent rumors that Katie Couric might leave her post as CBS Evening News anchor sooner rather than later, came a devastating series of numbers: Last week the broadcast turned in its lowest numbers ever.

EVER.

I've always had a soft spot for Couric, but I really can't stand her show. I hope for all concerned that she moves on to something that's right for her, and the network can pull itself out of this awful slump.

Resurrection

Well, she did it again.

Now what?

Of the assorted editorials I've read on the outcome in Pennsylvania, I particularly liked THIS ONE in the Wall Street Journal.

Yes, Hillary keeps coming back to spoil Barack's party. But, the fact that she is able to, has to leave some Dems wondering how he will fare against McCain.

At the moment, the crucial argument seems to be WHAT the super-delegates are supposed to do: Go with the "will of the people," or decide what is best for the party. Actually, I think their original purpose was to do the latter. And that decision-making can be especially important in a primary season as endlessly long as this one has been.

I though both candidates gave very good speeches last night. It was one of the few by Obama that I found almost electrifying. But, if he were to win a few more and then, for some reason, his campaign began to unravel, what are the S-D's supposed to do? Follow the popular vote, even if they think the other candidate has a better chance at winning?

This is all so peculiar and, yes, endless. Still, as the WSJ notes, I don't see it doing "irreparable" harm to the party, as some have insisted.

In some ways, its like our justice system. We believe it in it, for the most part, because it (usually) works. So does THIS process, and quickest isn't always best.

As I've said before, we can't go into this Nov. election saying that we didn't know what we were getting.

Idol chatter

(Above: Ted Neeley)

I have to agree with Mikeymike and give the night to Syesha, although I have no idea what show that song was from. She was (as Simon pointed out) sexy and on-the-money. And, while it's a little too soon for yet another Broadway revival of "Street Charity," I think that was a nifty audition for that role, and perhaps even the Anita role in "West Side Story."

David Cook was terrific once again, although Webber's big numbers tend to be grand showstoppers.

Jason Castro's decision to do "Memory" -- the way he did it -- was confounding, though. It's a perfect "Idol" song, that gets big, bigger, biggest as it chugs along. But, apparently, it was too big for him.

The others were forgettable, although Little Elmo (Archuletta) obviously has that great teenybopper charm going for him and a nice voice.

Actually, the song I wish David Cook had done was "Gethsemane" from "Jesus Christ Superstar." For me it is the Webber showstopper-of showstoppers.

I found the version above by Ted Neeley on his farewell "Superstar" tour. It's always interesting to see someone attack a song like this one after singing it for so many years. For those unfamiliar with it, the number has Jesus confronting God about his impending death, and asking why he -- a human being, after all -- must make a sacrifice of this magnitude.

Though he appears too old by this point to be playing Jesus, Neeley still manages to knock it out of the park, and this vid even shows what's happening backstage when he does it.

The vid clocks in at over 6 minutes, but for Idol purposes, it could easily have been cut to two. At any rate, it always gives me chills.

Penn station

Yeah, I know. The Democratic primary "season" is turning into the stations of the cross.

Will it ever end?

Today, all eyes will be on Pennsylvania as Hill & Barack square off yet again for their party's nomination.

While Sen. Clinton is expected to win, she is being outspent at every turn by Sen. Obama. The big question is how many percentage points does Clinton have to win by to make her case for staying in the race?

I still favor her over Obama, but at this has to end some time, doesn't it?

And what if Clinton loses?

The "experts" say she will have to get out of the race if that happens. Somehow, though, I think she's committed for the long haul, no matter how long that haul may be.

Others within the party have said that June is the absolute cut-off. Even those who are backing Clinton say that if she doesn't make a grand turnaround by then, she will have to leave the race for the good of the party.

Funny to note, once again, that so many states moved up their primaries so they could help "decide" this historic race. Now here it is, the end of April, and we still don't know what's going on.

Earth Day

Happy Earth Day to all of my fellow earthlings.

Whatever your most pressing ecological concern may be (the ozone, the waters, the use of plastic bags, the Mush administration), you can take some sort of action to make the world a better place to live.

For full details, just pay a visit to EARTH DAY and click a few buttons.