Words, etc.

Thanks to Janet K for passing this along:

  Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are: 

     1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. 
    2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 
    3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 
    4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 
    5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.. 
    6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you 
    absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 
    7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 
    8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash. 
    9.. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you 
    are run over by a steamroller. 
    10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. 
    11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 
    12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by 
    proctologists. 
    13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist. 
    14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with 
    Yiddishisms. 
    15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul 
    flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 
    16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by 
    Jewish men.

Comments

[nan]

love these --thanks for posting

[terrip]

hilarious!

[Debbie from Lyndhurst]

Those were great!!

[Darleen]

Thanks for the belly laughs first thing on a monday!

[Linda C.]

Completely fabulous! I will share these along. Thanks!