Jean, Eggs and Ham

Tip o' the week: how to picnic!

PLEASE go on a picnic this weekend. With a friend, partner, dog walker, your own sorry self (kidding), I don't care! It's supposed to be gorgeous. And eating outside...fun!

But eating outside with ants crawling into the cookies, sand crunching up your sandwich, and the sun melting everything into a gooey mess...not fun!

So here's my tip (s) 'o the week: how to picnic in one piece.

• Get coolie cool, boy. Pack ice packs on TOP of everything else in the cooler or basket (not the bottom). Refrigerate or even freeze everything you can long before you pack them (especially breads and salads).
• Cook all raw meats before you pack them and pack only as much as you'll eat (leftovers + sun = hey, fancy seeing our bacteria friends here!) Wrap individual meats and dairy items in separate plastic bags to prevent dripping. At the picnic, place cloth napkins or towels over each item to keep flies and other bugs away.
• Be anal-town! Pack hand sanitizer, moist towelettes or antibacterial baby wipes. Pack extra plates, napkins and a large plastic bag for trash. Pack a blanket, some towels or a sheet to sit on.
• Romantic picnic, eh? Bow-chick-a-wa-wa. But do NOT get distracted for too long and leave any leftovers out for more than an hour.
• Make it sassy. Make pasta salad with fun-shaped pasta, like wheels or cartoon characters. Bring a different colored plate or napkin for each person. Pack each food item in a Chinese restaurant take-out container (buy them from a local Chinese restaurant or paper supply store, such as Economy Paper and Restaurant Supply at 180 Broad St. in Clifton (973-279-5500). And bring pillows! Might as well be comfy (for extra wa-wa).

Tip o' the week: how to best cut onions

I spent some time this weekend with a New Yorker who's attending culinary school in the city who let me in on this little secret: how to chop garlic and onions to retain flavor, or with the grain.

When you chop an onion or garlic bulb against the grain, you cut through the natural layers and release much of the natural juices before you even begin cooking. And they make you also cry a heckuva lot more.

Take your onion and slice off the top stem end and the bottom end so both are flat. Then rest the onion on of one the flat ends. Hold the onion firmly and cut vertically, from top flat end to bottom flat end, into two halves. Repeat the vertically cuting from flat end to flat end (if you cut through the rounded onion, you'll be cutting against the grain).

Tip o' the week: keep foods cool in a power outage

Did anyone else out there lose power today around lunchtime? Our office in Garret Mountain in West Paterson darkened for about an hour. I worried about all the food sitting in our office fridge. Which inspired this tip 'o the week: what to do with refrigeratod foods in an outage.

In an outage, do not unplug fridge and limit the amounts of time you open it (this helps conserve the cold air). Eat foods that spoil quickly first; salvage any packaged or canned goods. Throw out any meats or dairy products that become warm to the touch. Use spoilable foods to bake or prepare into meals that may last longer, like breads, cakes, desserts or salads. If it's winter, stick fridge foods outside. In summer, buy some ice at the corner store and store it in a cooler.

Tip o' the week: how to make milk last

A Clifton woman, bemoaning the increasingly high cost of milk, inspired this tip o' the week: how to make milk last longer.

Buy milk with the latest "sell by" date; in a grocery store, look for cartons closest to the back of the shelves (employees replace the milk from the back, so they're usually freshest). At home, store milk on the shelves, not in the door, where the milk will be too warm. Keep the cap on, of course, and avoid leaving out on the table (say, while reading the back of the cereal box during breakfast). Add a pinch (no more!) of salt to the milk and shake a bit. The salt acts a mild preservative.

Some people add water to their milk in times of real desperation to make it last...I've never tried that. Has anyone?

Tip o' the week: how to cool a burning mouth

A near-death incident this weekend involving a sneaky chile pepper buried in an enchilada at a Mexican restaurant (what can I say? I'm a supertaster) inspired this tip o' the week: how to cool the mouth after eating spicy food.

Logic tells us, sip some H2O. But no! It actually enhances the burning sensation (something about the ions in the water reacting with to a chemical called capsaicin found in chile peppers). Take a cue from cuisines where spiciness is de rigeur and reach for dairy products, like milk, yogurt or sour cream. Indian, Mexican, Thai, Middle Eastern and other cuisines all pair their spicy foods with dairy products like mango lassi, lebneh, sour cream, etc. They counteract the molecule and cool the mouth. You can also reach for any sort of grain product, like a tortilla, rice or pasta. They also help absorb the molecule.

Hmm. I bet a similar deadly chile experience inspired Dave Matthews...

Tip o' the week: how to navigate a fancy pants meal

If you pack on extra deodorant before a meal in a fancy restaurant, I totally feel you (though, I hope, not your sweaty palms). It's mighty intimidating. Not only does little make sense -- so many forks! so many little plates! why do I have two glasses?!? -- but for some reason, those fancy-schmancy meals always involve the desperate need to impress, whether it's a boss, a girlfriend, the girlfriend's parents, whoever. "Why, yes, Mr. So-and-So. I'm loving this salad! Wait, on my bread plate? Oh, I knew that!" So here's this week's tip o' the week: how to eat in a fancy restaurant.

• Silverware: Use silverware from the outside in. If you first eat an appetizer, eat with the fork furthest from your plate. Then if it's a salad, use the middle fork. For your entree, use the fork closest to your plate. Any silverware arranged above your plate will be for dessert.
• Plates: The small plates to the left of your plate are for solid foods (bread, salad, etc). Dishes on the right are for liquids (soups, drinks, etc). So don't put salad in a soup bowl. Think left is heft and right is light (hey, whatever works!).
• Napkin: Put it on your lap before eating or drinking. If you must leave the table, place it on your seat.
• Passing: Always to the right and, if something was on the table near you, do not help yourself to it first; take some last.
• Butter: Put a blob on your plate and then pass . Butter your bread only a little bit at a time and eat in small bites (do not slather butter all over it and shove in your mouth, unless you're trying to impress your poker buddies).

Tip o' the week: how to frost a cake

Nearly every time I attempt frost a cake, about half the precious sugary stuff drips down the sides and pools around the base. Not cute. Anyone with me? Here's this week's tip o' the week: how to frost a cake.

Let the cake cool completely (stick in the refridgerator if you're in a hurry a la me). Place cake on a piece of parchment paper or aluminum foil to catch crumbs and drips centered on a cookie sheet. Slice a thin layer off the top of the cake so that it is completely flat (it should not have any sort of rise, like a dome -- a ha!). Then spread a thin layer of frosting on the cake and refridgerate for half an hour. This primer layer will lock in crumbs so they do not weasel their way through the frosting. Then remove and, with a rubber spatula, evenly spread rest of the frosting from the middle first and work your way out to the sides. Move into fridge and let set. Voila!

April Fool's food substitutes!

April Fools! Inspired by this annual day of tricks, pranks, swindles and disguises, I thought I'd share some fun food "tricks." Some foods, if prepared correctly, become near perfect imposters to other popular dishes and tend to be much healthier.

• "Mashed potatoes" = mashed up boiled red lentils OR mashed up steamed cauliflower (mixed with butter and spices).
• Banana "ice cream" = mashed up frozen bananas blended with sugar and a bit of honey.
• "Sour cream" = plain Greek style yogurt; it's thick and tangy and tastes great in place of S.C. in veggie dips, on burritos, baked potatoes.
• "Spaghetti" = the strands inside spaghetti squash pair beautifully with tomato, herbs and other vegetables (I like this recipe).

Tip o'the week: spice up your spice rack

A friend of mine asked my advice of how to add some sass to her meals. She felt totally bored by the bland stuff she kept making in an effort to eat more healthfully and cut salt from her diet. So here's this week's tip o' the week: the best basic herbs and spices and how to use them. These are cheap and should last awhile. Feel free to branch out and try other spices/herbs, including coriander, dill, parsley and celery salt.

• Garlic: Sautee with vegetables, add to pastas and pizzas, mix into rice and beans. Bake or sprinkle in potato dishes.
• Cinnamon: Bake in cakes and sweets; also adds depth to beef dishes. Stir into coffee or tea.
• Basil: Sprinkle into vegetable dishes, salads and on pizza, mix into tomato sauce or cream cheese.
• Pepper: Compliments and enhances meats, soups and bean dishes.
• Oregano: Adds depth to chicken, soups and in any recipe with tomatoes.

Tip o' the week: dental floss to slice cheese, cakes

Dental floss is best known for sliding last night's dinner from the crevices between the teeth. But it does quite a job in preparing dinner, too. Try this tip o' the week: use floss to slice cream cheese, butter, banana bread, Jell-O, pate and other soft foods. Why? You'll use one less knife, make more exact cuts, and dazzle your friends. It's a kid-friendly technique, too.

Simply cut a string of unwaxed, unminted floss about 10 inches long and hold one end tightly in your right hand, the other tightly in your left. Keeping the string taught, position center of the floss over your block of cream cheese, butter, cheese, etc. and push down with the floss through the block, cutting off a slice. Ta da!