Ambushed by heartbreak

I'd forgotten since last time. Forgotten the fact that the city of light has its darkness. Like most cities. Its street people, its unfortunates. Its have-nots. and there are so many, sheer pragmatism makes you harden your heart. I lived in Manhattan and learned that a long time ago.
But...
I cannot do it when I see a homeless person on the street, a dog or cat in his or her arms. I cannot pass by. Though I don't want to even let the image register. The need, the bond, the silence. I don't want to let my brain, my heart begin to connect, because I know the  endlessness of the sadness just waiting to gush from someplace I 'm afraid to acknowledge. But I can't turn away. I dig blindly in my pockets, in my purse, and bend down and deposit what i can. I believe the human being will do right by his animal friend, make sure there is something left to buy food enough for his bowl. I give insanely, and purposely think about what I would have spent the money on otherwise. And whatever that might have been -- clothes, a meal, a souvenir, whatever --  falls into perspective .... disappears.
Sometimes, I've been wrung out, and I am walking and know that at the end of this block or that, I had seen someone begging with their dog beside them, in their lap, head resting in the crook of their arm, . and i can't be that sad right then.  I have actually taken another route to avoid the upsetting encounter -- and feel bad about that, too. 
Maybe they aren't as miserable as I am. I would love that to be true.