Top 10 things the Red Bulls could be announcing on Wednesday
I know you're all excited to hear about what the Red Bulls have planned for today's media day. The team's press release promising important (not major) announcements has fans buzzing. I incorrectly wrote that the team promised major announcements. I have been told that the announcements are "important", not major. Who knew there was a difference? Not me. Apparently there is one.
So what could these announcements be? Here are the top ten announcements the club could be making today:
Number 10- Club announces shirt sponsorship deal with Jaegermeister.
Number 9- Marc deGrandpre blames club's $14 million losses last season on Bruce Arena's Red Bull consumption and round-trip flights to Austria.
Number 8- Club announces new ad campaign: Running the Red Bulls- So easy a caveman can do it.
Number 7- Red Bulls announce that Sanjay Malajar will sing national anthem at home opener on April 15th.
Number 6- In an effort to offset the bad publicity surrounding the firing of Giovanni Savarese, the Red Bulls hire another former fan favorite, making Mamadou Diallo director of fan relations.
Number 5- Club announces trade for Alecko Eskandarian and makes him drink a six-pack of 12-ounce cans as punishment for his spitting incident last year. Eskandarian then sprouts wings and flies away (or has a heart attack).
Number 4- Club announces that managing director Marc deGrandpre is being re-assigned and will now be Red Bull's vice-president of sales in Russia (wait, that's next year, sorry).
Number 3- New promotion in conjunction with parent company: Buy four season tickets and ten cases of Red Bull and get a defribillator thrown in for free.
Number 2- Marc deGrandpre just saved a bunch of money on his car insurance by switching to Geico
And the No. 1 major announcement the Red Bulls could be making on Wednesday:
Red Bull owner Dietrich Mateschitz makes surprise appearance and announces that he is releasing a song that will be the club's new anthem, a remix of 'Don't Cha': "Don't you vish your owner vas rich like me."
hey ives, tell us what you really think about red bull the drink!!!
Posted by: mark | March 21, 2007 at 09:11 AM
Funny Ives. On a serious note, Michael Lewis says that MSG deal will be announced today!
Posted by: Tim | March 21, 2007 at 09:23 AM
In addition to number 10, Red Bull announces that once the team's new practice facility at an undisclosed location is built, it will be sponsored by Grey Goose Vodka.
And in a special appearance, Fat Bastard joins Mateschitz as the opening day halftime entertainment in a duet performance of his newly released song.
Posted by: Ives makes it rain...from the 3 point line | March 21, 2007 at 10:01 AM
Good Stuff
Posted by: racklamb | March 21, 2007 at 10:16 AM
This list was hilarious! Thanks! I especially liked #8. :)
Posted by: inkedAG | March 21, 2007 at 10:34 AM
LOL Ives... Could see Didi and Arena in a Geico commercial!
Posted by: ag nigrin | March 21, 2007 at 11:10 AM
On the MSG announcement today..
Shep and JP will be back but the real question will be: Do they broadcast from monitors in NYC for the Bulls away games?
Posted by: ag nigrin | March 21, 2007 at 11:12 AM
very funnys ives, inspired by lettterman? great stuff..but don't u think rosanne barr would be a better fit for singing the anthem on open day. and if diallo is taking over fan realations he should have a few assistants; mand and petke maybe.
Posted by: Tom | March 21, 2007 at 11:48 AM
Hey Ives. Stick to your day job. I look to you column for some real news and what do I get? A Letterman type top ten list. Let's save this crap for metrofanatic. If you know something regarding the announcements, put it up. Leave the Red Bull comedy to the pros at metrofanatic.
Posted by: RedBullNumeroUno | March 21, 2007 at 12:04 PM
Very funny stuff, Ives. And mad props to you for having no idea how to spell Sanjaya Malakar's name.
Posted by: Go Metro | March 21, 2007 at 12:43 PM
Hey RedBullNumeroUno, this is Ives' blog, not espn.com or the Herald. He can write whatever he wants.
And actually, that was pretty good all the way through. 8, 6, and 2 are my favorites. Geico makes up 20% of the list - do those guys do a great job with their advertising or what?
Posted by: Wamiq | March 21, 2007 at 12:52 PM
Oh, and AG, word is they will indeed be broadcasting from Manhattan for the away games. Sad... apparently no more pregame shows or Metro Soccer Report.
Posted by: Wamiq | March 21, 2007 at 12:54 PM
Pretty lame, although I usuall love your humorous stuff Ives.
You guys who thought that was hilarious must spend a lot of time in front of the PC.
Posted by: luvstospooge | March 21, 2007 at 01:07 PM
It's a shame there will be no more pregame shows or Metro Soccer Report.
Any English language radio deals?
Posted by: Tim | March 21, 2007 at 01:18 PM
lol
thanks Ives. I needed a good laugh....and the MLS can normally provide it...
Posted by: Napoleon | March 21, 2007 at 02:07 PM
Ives, why would Yuri be at the press conference? Didn't he return to France? Any rumors of him joining the coaching staff?
Posted by: Jennifer | March 21, 2007 at 02:13 PM
good stuff.
Posted by: Joe in ND | March 21, 2007 at 03:49 PM
I'm sure you'll write about this for the Herald, but did RBNY get any money for the TV rights?
Posted by: Nic | March 21, 2007 at 04:10 PM
@Nic: Are you kidding? If anything RB will be paying MSG for the costs of airing the games- MSG is already doing them a favor by televising the games as it is.
BTW, that was the worst media day in the history of sports- the only thing announced was that RB is a joke of a team
Posted by: racklamb | March 21, 2007 at 04:44 PM
Announce a major annoucement in 60-90 days :)
Posted by: Area Code 212 | March 21, 2007 at 05:26 PM